Goddess Choice Read online

  I gave him a look. I didn’t need him to know everything about me and I didn’t need him to know just exactly what I had gone through in Apollo’s Prison. I didn’t think I would ever be able to open up to anyone about what I had gone through. My wrists still ached at the memories. My heart ached too.

  “Or not.” He gave me a sad look and stood up. “I’m just here if you want to talk.”

  I nodded but didn’t feel like I needed to say anything. He led me to the ‘office’ that had always been locked. He winked at me while opening the door slowly. I flicked the lights on and I was in awe. Every wall had bookcases from the floor to the ceiling. In the corner was a small cot made up really nice with tons of throw pillows and big fluffy blankets. Next to it, acting as a side table was a mini fridge. Keenan pushed the large door closed behind us and pulled a book from a shelf. The shelf groaned as it pulled free from the wall and opened like a door. I felt my jaw go slack.

  What the hell?

  He cocked his head to the side and made a gesture for me to go in first. I gave him a curious glance and went ahead. The light flickered on and I was in the most beautiful bathroom I had ever seen. It was small but so beautiful. The floors looked like they were marble and the counter tops were white quarts with gold and silver flecks mixed in. There was a plush white rug in front of the claw foot tub and the toilet right next to it.

  Keenan gave me a small smile. “I’ll go get you some clothes. I noticed you left them behind before.”

  I looked at the white floors. “Thank goodness I did, I wouldn’t have any clothes left if I had brought them.”

  He wrinkled his brows at me. “Wait, your bag didn’t come with you through the portal?”

  I shook my head. “My bag was taken from me when I was in Apollo’s Prison.”

  I watched Keenan’s adam’s apple bob in his throat. “You were in Apollo’s Prison?” His eyes were big and round. I had never seen him so surprised. “And you escaped?”

  “We will talk about that after I shower.”

  He gave me a nervous glance but closed the door as he exited. I stripped off my clothes quickly and avoided looking in the mirror. I knew what I would see and I wasn’t ready to come to terms with it.

  I pulled the shower curtain closed around me and turned on the water then remembered my hand. I turned it to as hot as it would allow and it still wasn’t good enough. I yanked the bar of soap off the side of the tub and began to scrub my body vigorously.

  Brown water circled my feet before it washed down the small drain. I scrubbed and scrubbed until the brown had started to fade some then started to scrub my hair. My head instantly felt ten times lighter. I watched the blood and dirt swirling around my feet until the water went clear again. I had no doubt there would be a ring of dirt when I stepped out.

  I couldn’t believe Keenan had let me into such a beautiful bathroom with how dirty I had been. I turned the water off and eyed the white towel hanging above the toilet. I was afraid to use it; it was so clean. Everything was just too clean.

  I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was still dirty. I ignored the war going on in my mind and pulled the towel free. I patted myself dry before I tossed my head forward and dried my hair. I carefully mopped the water up before I wrapped the towel back around myself. I then folded my nasty clothes and set my boots on top of them in the corner of the bathroom by the garbage. I didn’t know if I wanted to wash them and keep them as a reminder or throw them away like all of the bad memories I had formed. I wished the memories had been as easy to trash.

  There was no doorknob on the door so I pushed on the wall gently. It didn’t take much force and the door swung open. Keenan was sitting on the bed next to some clean clothes and a pair of flats. My shoulders sagged in relief until I saw Keenan’s eyes take in my small frame. His jaw clenched and unclenched. I felt tears fill my eyes. I wasn’t ready to talk about it even though I told him we would and I didn’t know if I was ever going to be ready. I knew what he saw. I knew that I was different.

  That I was hollow.

  Chapter 3

  Keenan

  The woman that was standing in front of me was not the woman that had left just a handful of months ago. The woman standing in front of me was hardened and scarred. She didn’t look like the Jessa I had known and in a way, she wasn’t. Her brown hair was longer but thinner, it seemed. I couldn’t tell if it was from the water soaking it or lack of nutrition.

  That was the only explanation I could think of as to why she was so skinny. I could see the bones in her shoulders and the top of her chest above the towel. Now that she had washed all the dirt and blood off of her, I could see that the golden color of her skin was starting to fade and it almost looked translucent. Where her eyes once shone with mischief, they were flatter and not as bright. Something had hardened her. Damn Apollo and his prison. Damn him for taking the light out of a woman that was so bright. The god of the sun and light had stolen it from Jessa. He had stolen so much from her and I hoped he hadn’t stolen her fight too.

  She bit the inside of her cheek before grabbing the clothes off of the bed next to me. She gave me a sad look before she retreated back into the bathroom. I wanted to say something, I knew I needed to. But what? I wasn’t good at these kinds of things. What man was?

  Jessa opened the door back up and she still didn’t look like herself, not even the fabric could hide the shallowness of her skin or how much weight she had lost.

  The clothes hung loosely on her body and where they had once been form fitting clothes, they were now entirely too big for her. I had just gotten her a pair of shorts and a short sleeve t-shirt, nothing fancy. I tossed her a protein bar and she caught it easily.

  I was glad she hadn’t lost that. But in the process something else had caught my eye. I was on my feet in second. I grabbed her hands in mine and examined her wrists. On both wrists were two small thin gold lines. They wrapped completely around her arms and looked like jewelry. I looked her body up and down, checking for more areas that she had been hurt. Her ankles had the same thing. I couldn’t stop myself from pulling her hands up toward my face and planting a kiss on inside of her arms.

  I didn’t know what had happened to her but I remembered listening to Crawley tell mother of the gold that had marked her stomach after the plane crash. That she was still in so much pain even though it had healed, or looked healed.

  Jessa gave me a confused look and pulled her hands from mine. I didn’t blame her; it was an odd thing for me to do. I just had to do something.

  She cleared her throat. “So, what is this?”

  “This is the only place in the house that is considered ‘safe’ to me.”

  “Want to elaborate for me?” She lifted an eyebrow in question.

  “Before my daughter was conceived, these books were my babies.” I stretched my arms wide. “They contain knowledge from the elders.”

  “So they wrote these and gave them to you?”

  “No, I wrote them. For months, I would sit in on their meetings and gather information until one day I knew that I wouldn’t be able to remember it all. I fought for a long time with them on it; they were worried that these books would fall into the wrong hands. One day, they agreed to let me continue recording their memories pretty much. I don’t know what made them change but there was one condition: there had to be a room that no one could get into but me. They spelled it and I eventually spent so much time in here that I added a bed and fridge. I never knew if I would have to lock myself in here in case of emergency, so I figured a nice bathroom would do me well.”

  Jessa didn’t speak for a moment and her eyes traced a few spines at the top of the bookcases. She started to nibble on her bottom lip and I knew something was bothering her. It couldn’t have been from me seeing her injuries, right?

  “So, is this the library Shaskia had told me about?” Her voice trembled and I was confused for a moment. I raised my eyebrows at her in question. “Before everything went crazy I had a visi
on,” She gulped loudly. “I can tell you more about my curse. I can tell you so much about Artemis and Apollo, I don’t know. It’s a lot.”

  I nodded to her to encourage her to continue on her story but she didn’t. She gave me a sad look then pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth. “Crawley is alive.”

  I took a step away from Jessa, too stunned to say anything. It felt like the floor had been ripped out from under my feet. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, too dizzy to even make a coherent thought.

  “I’m sorry, I’m going to need you to repeat that.” I shook my head.

  “You heard me, I don’t know how, heck, I don’t know much.” She chewed on her lip again.

  “Jessa, I need to know for sure on this one.” I blinked at the moisture gathering in my eyes. This wasn’t something I could afford to mess around with. We had just had a damn memorial for Crawley. I should have followed my gut and waited. I knew there wasn’t enough evidence pointing to him being dead. I had known and yet, it hadn’t mattered.

  Crawley had survived a lot and as a kid I had wondered if he was indestructible. Hell, I had been jealous of it all. He had jumped off of the cliff at one point and when he hit the ground, he had dropped and rolled. Our mother about had a heart attack watching the ordeal.

  I couldn’t face my mother again and take back the news of Crawley’s death. I couldn’t un-see the pain in my mother’s eyes or un-hear the sobs that had escaped her. I couldn’t undo the pain that this experience had forced on her.

  There was no way I was going to take this information and run with it. Jessa’s eyes searched the floor. I wanted to grab her shoulders. I wanted to shake information out of her. I wanted the truth. As if she wasn’t telling it to me.

  It wasn’t as if I didn’t believe her, oh, how I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t because then that would mean that we went through all of that for nothing. All the pain and suffering for nothing. I turned away from her. What was there left to say?

  Chapter 4

  Jessa

  I saw the uncertainty in his eyes and it hurt but not as bad as I thought it would. I searched the bookcases around me slowly, choosing to ignore the way Keenan was acting.

  “So, is this my new living quarters?” My voice sounded flat, even to my own ears. I didn’t know why I was even trying to keep the conversation flowing.

  “No, I just wanted to show it to you. I thought maybe it would give you some comfort. I was also getting the magic use to you. The room will always know you but you won’t be able to bring anyone in here, like I brought you.” I pulled a random book off of the shelf and turned my back to him. “If you ever need to talk, just know that I am here. That I won’t judge you.”

  Keenan didn’t sound very convincing and I didn’t blame him, I hadn’t opened up with what had happened to me and I didn’t know if I could. I hated being so uncertain about it. I hated not knowing if I was going to be okay with it. Sure, he had gone through hell with Khloe, his first wife, but that didn’t mean he would understand what I had experienced. It didn’t mean that I was on a safe turf with him, even though I wanted to be. I wanted him to trust me and I wanted to be able to spill my guts about everything…

  But it wasn’t that simple, it was never that simple.

  ***

  I stared at the ominous stairs and dreaded the walk up them but I didn’t want any help, nor did I want to look weak. I was so over being taken care of.

  What a strange turn of events. Any normal person would have loved to be taken care of but I couldn’t handle it. I wanted to be alone, without the constant fear. I wanted to sleep for hours and not have to worry about being killed. I wanted to shower and not have to worry about being rushed. I wanted so many things and they were all luxuries. I knew that the time here would be limited and that I needed to reboot while I could. But at the same time, I wanted to find Crawley and I was restless to do so. I was restless to earn back Keenan’s trust. I didn’t have anyone left and I needed his companionship more than I wanted to admit.

  When I finally made it up the awful stairs, I looked to my bedroom in relief. I was so ready to dive right into the soft blankets. Hades, I could have lived without the blankets, I wanted the damn mattress. I closed the door behind me, slowly and leaned against the old wood.

  I took a deep breath and smiled. There were large drapes covering the window that stretched across the back wall. I wanted to enjoy the feeling of butterflies in my stomach at what Keenan had done for me but I couldn’t. Apollo would take him from me just like he had taken everything else.

  I slid down the door and enjoyed the feeling of the soft carpet under my toes. I dug my fingers into it, like it was snow. Like it could keep me anchored to that spot and I wouldn’t have to worry about anything else ever again.

  I pushed myself from the floor and approached the bed slowly. It looked so inviting. So, lovely; I pulled myself onto it carefully and fell backwards. I felt like I was in slow motion. I didn’t worry with the covers. Those were a luxury too.

  Chapter 5

  Crawley

  My eyes had adjusted to the darkness weeks ago. Though sometimes there was a little bit of light. And that was when I knew it was time to eat.

  A clump of snow usually accompanied the animals that fell into the giant hole. I had guessed that the snow covered the hole enough that it was the perfect trap. That was what happened to us, I had no doubt.

  We had fallen into Apollo’s trap.

  He was too smart and had resources beyond our understanding. We were foolish for thinking we could beat a god. A damn god that had been doing this for longer than we had.

  I wondered if Jessa was alive. I had been wondering it since I had fallen down here.

  I had been trying for days to somehow get in touch with her. That maybe, Artemis would help me in some way. That maybe she would do this one thing for me. I knew I didn’t need to protect Jessa but I wanted to. I wanted to be next to her side more than anything and when the nights had creeped in, so did the darkness inside of me. I was surprised that I was still sane, that I had somehow managed to keep my mind even though the beast had taken over.

  When the hunger took over my body, that was when my beast won. There had been little fight. The only thing that I was fighting for now was my sanity and I knew I didn’t have much time left.

  I could feel my primal urges over throwing my mind. I no longer took my time with the animals that fell into the prison with me. I now ripped them apart and ravaged them. There was no point in going slow when I was starving and my bear knew that.

  He didn’t care about anything but survival.

  Chapter 6

  Jessa

  I tossed and turned all night; Jericho’s razor-sharp teeth still haunting my nightmares. Even when I opened my eyes that was all I saw in the darkness around me.

  I kept my eyes closed and imagined sleep overcoming me once more. It was no luck; after lying there for several minutes, I finally gave up.

  My body was still in fight or flight mode and it wouldn’t let my mind relax. I needed to be alert, ready for anything. I pushed myself up against the headboard and ran my fingers through my hair. Small clumps were still coming out and I knew that if I could see in the dark, there would have been small amounts of hair on my pillow too.

  I didn’t know why but I imagined it had something to do with how dirty I had been and I hadn’t brushed my hair in so long. Not to mention, I had been starving and was an emotional disaster. I clumsily fell from the bed and made my way to the door. Thinking about how hungry I had been made my stomach growl. I didn’t know how I had possibly avoided the kitchen. The kitchen should have probably been the first place I had ended up rather in bed. My muscles still protested against going down the stairs, I grasped the handrail till my knuckles were white and prayed the decent would be faster.

  The entire first floor of the house was dark and empty and for a brief moment I wondered where Keenan had gone off to until I smelled something
divine.

  I flipped the plastic switch on the wall and gazed around the room almost like I was on a cloud with how good it smelled.

  Sitting in the middle of the counter was a big Styrofoam container. I whipped across the room so fast I didn’t even recall opening the box.

  Mexican.

  How long had it been since I had Mexican food? How long had it been since I had a real meal? I wracked my brain with anything that would help me remember what it was like to even sit at a restaurant like a normal person.

  We had only gone out to eat a few times, splurging for whatever reason. Maybe my mother had been trying to help me feel normal or maybe she had been tired of the same day-to-day schedule and food that we had had for years.

  I knew I had been tired of it. I was tired of it all at one point and had thrown a fit but I couldn’t remember what it had been about now. Later that day we had gone to have Mexican food for the first time, at least it had been my first time.

  I had stared at the waiter with large eyes and a growling stomach to all the smells and noises assaulting me. We had eaten quickly and quietly and I remembered I resembled a monster the way I had thrown the food into my mouth like it was my last meal.

  I smiled fondly at the memory of my mother, one of the only good memories I had. She hadn’t been a robot for once. She had smiled often and seemed like she cared, for at least that night.

  I searched the cabinets quickly for a ceramic plate and immediately dumped the contents on to it. I shoved it into the microwave quickly and ripped it out right before the beeping sounded.

  I dug into the thin strips of the steak and savored the spicy and sweet flavors invading my senses. It had been so long since I had ate something so delicious. I scooped up all the onions and bell pepper around the plate and shoveled them into my mouth too. Nothing was better than caramelized onions and cooked sweet peppers. I gulped down a water bottle from the fridge and regretted it. My body started to reject all the food I had gulped down. I had eaten too quickly and my body hadn’t been prepared for it, especially not the grease.